[birds chirping]
(Chris) WHY DID YOU DO THAT? NO.
[panting] WAIT. WHAT, WHAT...
UH, UH...
THINGS THAT FLY.
UH... HMM...
UH, THINGS THAT JUMP.
UH, THINGS THAT PLAY THE HARMONICA.
UH, UH, COME ON, COME ON.
UH, MY CELEBRITY STINKS.
SHE'S GIVING ME LOUSY CLUES...
[alarm buzzing]
[gasping]
[sighs]
OH.
[sighing]
WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
THAT'S THE LAST TIME
I EAT A WHOLE BOX OF STEAK-UMS RIGHT BEFORE BED.
[grunting]
[sniffing]
[switch clicks]
¶[Living In America by James Brown playing]
[groaning]
OK, YOU'RE BAD.
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD.
[gasping]
YOU'RE A CORPORATE ANIMAL.
[barking]
[grunting]
OH, DAMN. I MISSED FRAGGLE ROCK.
¶ ON THE TRANSCONTINENTAL
¶ OVERLOAD
¶ JUST SLIDE BEHIND THE WHEEL ¶
¶ HOW DOES IT FEEL
¶ WHEN THERE'S NO DESTINATION ¶
¶ THAT'S TOO FAR
¶ AND SOMEWHERE ON THE WAY
¶ YOU MIGHT FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE ¶
OH, MISS HANNAH,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST FALL RIGHT INTO MY BURNING RING OF FIRE?
¶ EYE TO EYE
¶ STATION TO STATION
¶ LIVING IN AMERICA
¶ HAND IN HAND
¶ ACROSS THE NATION
¶ LIVING IN AMERICA
¶ GOT TO HAVE A CELEBRATION
HEY, MOM, DAD. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING UP SO EARLY?
I THOUGHT, UH, RETIRED PEOPLE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET AS MUCH SLEEP AS POSSIBLE.
YOU KNOW, TO REST UP FOR ALL THE CLAPPING YOU GOTTA DO
TO TURN THE LIGHTS ON AND OFF.
GLADYS, WERE YOU SMOKING HEAVILY
WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT WITH CHRIS?
CHRIS, YOUR FATHER HAS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT
HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
WELL, SURE, DAD, BUT I CAN'T BE LATE FOR WORK.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
YOU KNOW, SON, A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO
WHEN YOU MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE INTO THE GARAGE,
THAT WAS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
BUT NOW, YOUR MOTHER AND I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE IN A RUT.
WE DON'T THINK YOU'RE REALLY HAPPY
AND WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU TURN INTO SOME KIND OF
LOST SOUL.
WELL, GOSH, MA, YOU MAKE IT SOUND
LIKE I AM GONNA START SENDING FLOWERS TO JODIE FOSTER OR SOMETHING.
NOT JODIE FOSTER. DARYL HANNAH.
ALL RIGHT, NOW WAIT A SECOND.
I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH DARYL HANNAH, OK?
I JUST, HAPPEN TO BELIEVE THAT SHE MAY VERY WELL
BE ONE OF THE GREATEST AMERICAN ACTRESSES SINCE LILLIAN GISH.
LOOK, MOM, DAD. JOURNALISM, IT'S IN MY BLOOD, I...
I LOVE THE THRILL OF IT, THE EXCITEMENT OF IT, THE... THE SMELL OF IT.
THE DOWN AND DIRTY, STAGNANT, STINKING, STENCH OF IT ALL.
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU TWO UNDERSTAND.
HAVE A GOOD DAY AT WORK, SON.
MOTHER, FATHER, I AM OFF.
[door closes]
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, GLADYS.
HIS BOSS SAYS HE'S THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB.
¶[Stand by R.E.M playing]
[bicycle bell ringing]
¶ STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE ¶
¶ NOW FACE NORTH
¶ THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
¶ WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T
¶ NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK ¶
¶ NOW FACE WEST
¶ THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE ¶
¶ WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE ¶
¶ STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE ¶
¶ NOW FACE NORTH
¶ THINK ABOUT DIRECTION
¶ WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T
¶ NOW STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU WORK ¶
¶ NOW FACE WEST
¶ THINK ABOUT THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE ¶
¶ WONDER WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEFORE ¶
¶ STAND IN THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE ¶
¶ SO STAND
[birds chirping]
[dog barking]
LARRY.
LARRY?
LARRY.
WHO'S THAT?
CHRIS, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
LARRY, I'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU FROM A GRUELING DAY AT THE OFFICE,
AND TAKE YOU OUT ON A FUN-FILLED ADVENTURE.
HEY, WHAT A GREAT IDEA! GET OUT.
LARRY, I AM DOING THIS FOR YOU, PAL.
THE RAT RACE, IT'S EATING YOU UP ALIVE, BUDDY.
CHRIS, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE RAT RACE? YOU'RE A PAPERBOY.
HEY, I'M HEAD PAPERBOY, OK?
I GOT 5 GUYS UNDER ME, ALL RIGHT?
AND WHEN THINGS GET TIGHT, I CAN DO OTHER JOBS.
LARRY, LOOK, THE POINT IS
THERE'S NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT IN LIFE THAN FREE TIME.
FORGET IT. LISTEN.
THE LAST TIME WE WENT ON ONE OF YOUR LITTLE ADVENTURES, WE RAN OVER A PIG.
NO. NO. LARRY, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
AND IT WAS NOT A PIG. IT WAS A BAG OF GARBAGE.
IT WAS A PIG! A PIG!
SHH!
LARRY.
LARRY, ARE YOU... ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
[deep voice] UH, NO.
UH, I'M FROM THE WATER COMPANY, MA'AM. UH...
WE, UH, RELEASED SOME MUSTARD SULFIDES INTO THE WATER AND, UH,
YOU KNOW, NOW WE'RE WARNING PEOPLE NOT TO BATHE, OTHERWISE, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE GOING TO SMELL LIKE MUSTARD.
HOW INTERESTING!
LARRY, WHAT IS CHRIS PETERSON DOING HERE?
HE DELIVERED OUR PAPER, HONEY.
LOOK, HE IS NOT REQUIRED TO DELIVER IT INTO MY BEDROOM.
[sighs]
WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU TOLD THE DOMINO'S BOY LAST WEEK.
[yelling]
I SAID OUT!
IT'S A JOKE. WHAT DID I SAY? IT'S A JOKE.
PETERSON, YOU ARE SUCH A BRAT.
YES.
AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT SELLING SEEDS WITH THE BOY SCOUTS OR SOMETHING?
OH, OUCH, WHAT A ZINGER!
OW! OW!
WHAT AN INCREDIBLY SARCASTIC AND RIGHT-TO-THE-HEART COMMENT ABOUT MY LIFE.
SHARON, YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES, YOU'VE MATURED ME INSTANTLY.
HEY, YOU GOT A NINTENDO.
YEAH. THE POWER GLOVE TOO.
LAWRENCE CANNOT PLAY WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, CHRIS.
LARRY HAS A REAL JOB HE'S GOT TO GET READY FOR.
RIGHT, LAWRENCE?
OH, SURE, I UNDERSTAND.
[mimicking whip cracking]
HEY, LISTEN, UH, SHARON.
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING. UH, AHEM, A LITTLE GIFT.
THIS IS THE NEW VICTORIA'S SECRET CATALOG.
UH, I'M DONE WITH IT.
BUT I WENT AHEAD AND I CIRCLED SOME ITEMS IN HERE THAT, UH,
WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT.
UNLESS OF COURSE, YOU ARE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THE BURLAP-BAG LOOK.
AND DON'T GET ME WRONG, I REALLY THINK IT LOOKS TERRIFIC ON YOU, BUT...
CHRIS!
MAYBE YOU SHOULD...
LET ME JUST SAY THIS AS PRECISELY AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
OK.
YOU'RE 30 YEARS OLD.
YES.
YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS.
YOU'RE LOSING YOUR HAIR.
AND YOU'RE STUPID.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT JUST ABOUT COVERS IT.
[gasping]
NOW I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO MAKE SOME COFFEE
FOR LARRY.
LARRY, I LOVE HER.
SHE'S A DREAM.
IF YOU EVER DIVORCE HER, CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW, BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO
OK. YEAH, FINE. FINE. GET IN THERE IF I COULD.
CHRIS, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME
WHY YOU AND SHARON HAVE TO FIGHT ALL THE TIME?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WE'RE FRUSTRATED BECAUSE WE'RE SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.
[falsetto] BUT I DOUBT IT, LARRY. I REALLY DOUBT IT.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
FORGET IT! I CAN'T TAKE THE DAY OFF.
THINGS ARE CRAZY DOWN AT BUSHMAN AND SIMON.
AND EVER SINCE OLD MAN SIMON, GOT DRUNK AND RODE HIS HORSE INTO THE MALL,
WE'VE BEEN LOSING CUSTOMERS RIGHT AND LEFT.
NOW WE'RE UNDER THE GUN TO COME UP WITH NEW CLIENTS OR ELSE.
I CAN'T JUST LIVE LIKE YOU
AND HANG OUT WITH WALLY AND THE BEAV AND BUG MR. WILSON.
OK, LARRY.
BUT I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE 2 TICKETS
TO THE FUNLAND AMUSEMENT PARK, LARRY.
AND, WELL, THEY'RE UNVEILING TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME
THE FIRST 360 DEGREE SUPER ROLLERCOASTER IN MINNESOTA, LARRY.
LARRY, IT'S THE HELL LOOP 2000.
THE HELL LOOP 2000? I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
MMM-HMM.
NO.
NO WAY.
I CAN'T JUST SKIP OFF ON A WHIM WHENEVER I WANT, I'VE GOT RESPONSIBILITIES.
IT REALLY DOES A COMPLETE LOOP?
(both) UNCLE CHRIS!
WRESTLE MANIA!
(Chris) WRESTLE MANIA.
[grunting]
OH, HI, DADDY. I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE YOU WERE THERE.
BOBBY AND I ARE GOING TO PLAY WITH YOUR POWER GLOVE, OK?
OK. FINE.
"OK, FINE"? WHAT AM I SAYING? NO, IT'S NOT "OK, FINE."
THIS IS MY NINTENDO! UNDERSTAND ME? MINE, MINE, MINE!
GOSH, DAD, DON'T BUST A BLOOD VESSEL OVER IT.
COME ON, BOBBY.
OK, MAYBE I HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TENSE LATELY. AT LEAST WITH THE KIDS.
LARRY, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE PERSON THEY BUILT THE HELL LOOP 2000 FOR.
CHRIS, I CAN'T GO.
EVEN IF I WANTED TO, I CAN'T GET OUT OF WORK ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
OK, LEAVE THAT TO ME. I'LL CALL YOUR OFFICE AND PRETEND I'M YOU.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
NOW RELAX. LISTEN, I'M A MASTER AT MIMICRY, I'VE GOT YOU DOWN PERFECTLY.
YEAH. HOW YOU DOIN'?
[deep voice] THIS IS LAWRENCE T. POTTER III.
YEAH, WHO YOU BE? LORRAINE?
OH.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT. WELL, LORRAINE YOU DIG THIS. I GOTS A COLD, SEE?
AND, UH, AND MY UNCLE, HE DIED.
YEAH. SO I GOTS TO GO TO THE FUNERAL, YOU DIG?
YEAH. SO I AIN'T GONNA BE DRAGGIN' MY SORRY OLD BUTT IN THERE TODAY.
YEAH, YOU PASS THAT ON. ALL RIGHT, BABY, LATER FOR YOU.
THERE IT'S DONE.
YOU JUST GOT ME FIRED, YOU IDIOT.
WILL YOU RELAX? YOUR VOICE IS VERY GUTTURAL.
AND I THINK, I CAPTURED THAT QUALITY MARVELOUSLY.
YOU'RE A FREE MAN. COME ON, LET'S GO.
I AM NOT GOING.
CHRIS, LOOK, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY BEST FRIEND.
BUT WE'RE NOT CHILDREN ANYMORE.
AND YOU CAN'T MANIPULATE ME LIKE YOU USED TO.
OK. I UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE CHICKEN.
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. I'M IN. LET'S GO.
¶[Head Over Heels by The Go-Go's playing]
¶ BEEN RUNNING SO HARD
¶ WHEN WHAT I NEED IS TO UNWIND ¶
¶ THE VOICE OF REASON
¶ IS ONE I LEFT SO FAR BEHIND ¶
¶ I'VE WAITED SO LONG
¶ SO LONG TO PLAY THIS PART
¶ AND JUST REMEMBERED
¶ THAT I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY HEART ¶
¶ HEAD OVER HEELS
¶ WHERE SHOULD I GO?
¶ CAN'T STOP MYSELF
¶ OUTTA CONTROL
¶ HEAD OVER HEELS
¶ NO TIME TO THINK
¶ LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC ¶
¶ HEAD OVER HEELS
¶ WHERE SHOULD I GO?
¶ CAN'T STOP MYSELF
¶ OUTTA CONTROL
¶ HEAD OVER HEELS
¶ NO TIME TO THINK
¶ LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC ¶
[both whooping]
[both laughing]
HEY, THE RIDE'S OVER, FELLAS.
OH, WELL, WE APOLOGIZE FOR OUR ENTHUSIASTIC WOOING, SIR.
BUT AS YOU CAN TELL YOUR RIDE BRINGS US GREAT JOY.
YOU'VE BEEN ON THIS THING 5 TIMES. YOU GETTIN' OFF?
JUST WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN, YOU FILTH?
CHRIS, HE'S ASKING IF WE'RE DONE.
IF WE'RE GETTING OFF THE RIDE.
OH. OH, PARDON ME.
I'M SORRY. I... I THOUGHT THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT,
WELL, LARRY AND I, WERE... WERE LOVERS OR SOMETHING.
NOW WHY WOULD I THINK A THING LIKE THAT?
WELL, 2 MEN ON A ROLLERCOASTER, GIGGLING LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS,
YOU COULD EASILY GET THE WRONG IMPRESSION, I GUESS.
[laughing]
YEAH, RIGHT, WE ARE GOING TO GO ONE MORE TIME. SO, UH, LET HER RIP.
ACTUALLY, CHRIS, YOU KNOW, IT'S GETTING LATE.
BUT YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT TODAY.
I FEEL A LOT LESS TENSE. THANKS.
WELL, LARRY, THE ONLY WAY TO THANK ME
IS TO RIDE THE LOOP ONE MORE TIME.
COME ON, ONE MORE TIME, ONE MORE TIME.
ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE TIME AND THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT. LET HER GO.
[both whooping]
[engine revving]
WEENIES.
(Chris) OK, HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO, THROUGH THE LOOP.
[Larry hooting]
HERE WE COME, YOU BLOODY BASTARD!
[metal screeching]
UH, LARRY, ARE WE MOVING THROUGH THE LOOP A LOT SLOWER THIS TIME?
IT'S PROBABLY JUST A TEMPORARY MALFUNCTION.
I BET WE'LL BE MOVING IN NO MORE THAN 2 SECONDS.
I BET YOU'RE RIGHT.
LARRY, WE'RE STUCK.
[both screaming]
[clicking]
IT'S JAMMED.
OH, NO, I'LL BE BACK DIPPIN' FUNNEL CAKES
IN THE DEEP FRY BY TOMORROW.
WE'LL HAVE YOU DOWN IN NO TIME!
HOLD ON TO YOUR PANTS!
DID HE JUST ASK US WHERE WE BOUGHT OUR PANTS AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
THE GAP, YOU IDIOT! NOW GET US DOWN!
CHRIS, TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
INSTEAD I'M STUCK IN A BAD IRWIN ALLEN MOVIE
WITH AN AGING DENNIS THE MENACE.
ALL RIGHT. JUST RELAX, OK?
I KNOW YOU'RE FRIGHTENED, LARRY.
BUT I PROMISE YOU, I WILL GET US THROUGH THIS THING.
OK? JUST RELAX.
[sighs]
[panting]
¶ THERE'S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER ¶
¶ AH, IT'S WAITING RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR ¶
¶ AH, AH, AH
¶ WATERGATE WAS REALLY BAD
¶ THE MOVIE, BRIAN'S SONG WAS KIND OF SAD ¶
¶ PLAYING PAC-MAN AT THE MALL ¶
¶ CHINA UNDER MARSHAL LAW
¶ GORBACHEV COMES TO TOWN, CHRIS AND LARRY UPSIDE DOWN ¶
¶ WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE
¶ IT WAS ALWAYS
SHUT UP. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR VOCAL CHORDS AND STUFF 'EM IN YOU EAR.
ARE YOU GETTING A LITTLE CRANKY?
YES, I'M GETTING CRANKY. WE'VE BEEN UPSIDE DOWN FOR 2 HOURS ALREADY.
YEAH, AND THAT KIND OF BRINGS UP AN INTERESTING POINT.
I WONDER HOW LONG IT TAKES
BEFORE ALL THE BLOOD RUSHES TO YOUR BRAIN
AND YOUR HEAD EXPLODES?
BUT WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG?
DON'T THEY REALIZE THIS THING COULD FALL AT ANY SECOND?
LARRY, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. THIS IS A STATE-OF-THE-ART ROLLERCOASTER.
IT'S BEEN TESTED, DOUBLE-TESTED AND TRIPLE-TESTED.
WE'RE PERFECTLY SAFE.
WELL, IN RETROSPECT,
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IS TESTED THIS THING.
OBVIOUSLY THAT CAR COULD FALL OFF THE TRACK ANY SECOND NOW.
WE'LL HAVE TO ACT FAST.
HENDERSON, CALL THRILLWORLD.
FIND OUT HOW THEY HANDLE THEIR DEAD.
(Larry) I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
HOME TO MY KIDS AND MY DEAR SWEET WIFE.
"DEAR SWEET WIFE"? PHEW!
HEY, PAL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SMOKIN' OVER THERE,
BUT I THINK IT'S DISTORTIN' YOUR SENSE OF REALITY.
YOU SHUT UP. YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.
YEAH. WELL, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT I'M HAPPY BEING AN IDIOT, MR. 9-TO-1.
CHRIS, IT'S 9-TO-5, NOT 9-TO-1.
WOW! YOU REALLY PUT IN THE HOURS THERE, DON'T YOU?
[metal creaking]
[all gasping]
WAIT. WHAT WAS THAT?
[sighing] OH, WE'RE GONNA DIE UP HERE, WE'RE GONNA DIE.
NO. DON'T SAY THAT, LARRY. DON'T SAY THAT. ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
WE NEED TO KEEP OUR STRENGTH. LET'S... LET'S EAT.
WE NEED TO RATION WHAT LITTLE FOOD WE HAVE. HERE...
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DORITOS?
CRUNCH ALL YOU WANT. WE'LL MAKE MORE.
[exclaims]
THAT IS SO COOL.
ALL FIXED.
IT'S SCREWED UP AGAIN. YOU IDIOTS! YOU MORONS!
UH-OH.
WHAT ARE THEY YELLING AT US?
OH, WELL, THEY'RE JUST SHOUTING,
YOU KNOW, WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT,
BEST WISHES AND SO FORTH. THAT SORT OF THING.
[metal squeaks]
[thudding]
NOW, THAT'S KIND OF ODD.
CHRIS, I MUST BE HALLUCINATING.
I THINK I SEE AN ANGEL.
THAT'S NO ANGEL, LARRY. THAT'S CONNIE BRISTOL, FROM W.R.X.T. T.V.
WE'RE SAVED, LARRY, WE'RE SAVED.
THANK GOD.
WAIT A SECOND, T.V.? WE CAN'T...
WE'RE NOT GOING BE ON T.V. ARE WE?
WELL, SURE. WE'RE KIND OF LIKE THOSE WHALES THAT WERE STUCK IN THE ICE.
BUT WHAT IF SOMEBODY SEES ME?
EVERYBODY AT WORK THINKS I'M AT A FUNERAL.
OH, YEAH. WELL, QUICK HIDE.
WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE?
WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS PLEASE SHUT UP?
WE'RE ABOUT TO GO ON THE AIR.
HELLO, I'M CONNIE BRISTOL REPORTING FROM FUNLAND AMUSEMENT PARK.
AND SUSPENDED UPSIDE-DOWN BEHIND ME
ARE 2 VERY BRAVE MEN, WHOSE LIVES MAY END AT ANY MOMENT.
HI, GUYS, YOU WANT TO TELL US YOUR NAMES?
CONNIE, DO YOU THINK
MAYBE WE COULD DO THE INTERVIEW DOWN ON THE GROUND?
I ASKED YOUR NAMES?
HEY, MOM, LOOK!
UNCLE CHRIS AND DADDY ON T.V.! COOL!
WELL, I'M CHRIS PETERSON AND THIS IS MY FRIEND, LARRY POTTER.
[thudding]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT APPEARS AS THOUGH THE ROLLERCOASTER IS ABOUT TO TEAR OFF THE TRACK
AND PLUMMET TO THE HARD CONCRETE BELOW
RIGHT NOW DURING MY EXCLUSIVE REPORT.
WELL, I GUESS NOT.
[sighs]
AND NOW LET'S GO BACK TO OUR STUDIOS
WHERE DR.CHARLES FRIEDMAN WILL TELL US
HOW LONG A PERSON CAN HANG UPSIDE-DOWN BEFORE THEIR HEAD EXPLODES.
CONNIE. HONEY, DON'T GO.
YOU CAN USE YOUR CRANE THING TO GET US DOWN.
SORRY, REPORTERS HAVE TO STAY OBJECTIVE.
WE JUST CAN'T GET INVOLVED WITH OUR STORIES. BYE.
COME BACK. COME BACK.
COME BACK, YOU RATINGS-GRABBING WHORE. SLUT!
LARRY, LARRY. GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, LARRY.
I'M THINKING CLEARER NOW THAN I'VE EVER THOUGHT BEFORE IN MY LIFE,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S SO SIMPLE.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS UNSTRAP OURSELVES,
GET OUT OF THE CAR,
AND CLIMB DOWN THE TRACK, RUNG BY RUNG, HAND OVER HAND.
YOU'RE INSANE. THAT'LL NEVER WORK.
WHERE'S THAT SLUT? THAT WHORE!
LARRY, PLEASE. LISTEN, I WOULDN'T TRY THIS
UNLESS I WAS IN PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU'RE UP TO IT,
THEN JUST GRAB AHOLD OF MY LOVE HANDLES, AND I'LL CARRY YOU DOWN.
[belt clicking]
[screaming]
HELP! HELP!
[panting] LARRY.
LARRY, I THINK I MISCALCULATED.
[metal clanging]
[creaking] LARRY, WE ARE GOING TO DIE.
GOODBYE, CHRIS.
LARRY, I LOVE YOU.
NOT, YOU KNOW, IN A STRANGE WAY.
MORE LIKE A BROTHER.
ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW, AT THIS POINT WHY SHOULD WE RULE ANYTHING OUT?
[grunting]
GOODBYE, MY FRIEND, GOODBYE.
[metal squeaking]
WAIT, CHRIS, WE'RE MOVING. WE'RE MOVING. DON'T LET GO.
[panting] OH, PRAISE THE LORD.
PRAISE THE LORD. HERE WE GO.
(Chris) THROUGH THE LOOP, THROUGH THE LOOP.
[Chris whooping]
[people clapping]
[continues whooping]
ALL RIGHT, IT'S FIXED. ONE MORE TIME, ONE MORE TIME.
GET OUTTA THERE, YOU WIENERS.
THAT'S ODD.
[gasping]
[sighs]
I'M DEAD. THERE'S MY BOSS, MR. SIMON.
OK. DON'T WORRY. HE'S JUST HERE WITH HIS KID.
HE DIDN'T SEE US. LET'S GO THIS WAY, LARRY.
[inaudible]
OK. THAT'S NOT GONNA TO BE GOOD EITHER.
POTTER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD A COLD AND A FUNERAL TO GO TO TODAY?
UH, WELL, YES, SIR. UH, AFTER THE FUNERAL I CAME HERE
TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK TO, UH, TO BUY SOME DRISTAN.
UH-HUH. POTTER, YOU'RE FIRED.
[Southern accent] NOW HOLD ON JUST A DOGGONE SECOND HERE.
WHO'S THIS JERK?
WELL, I AM A SOUTHERN MULTIBILLIONAIRE,
AND YOU SEE, THIS FELLA HERE WAS JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE ME
TO BRING MY LITTLE COMPANY TO YOUR ACCOUNTING FIRM AND...
OH, SHUT UP. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, AN IMBECILE?
WELL, ACTUALLY, YES, SIR. I DO TAKE YOU FOR AN IMBECILE.
I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S JUST A PROBLEM
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK OUT ON MY OWN.
BUT IF I COULD JUST HAVE A SECOND OF YOUR TIME.
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP HERE.
CONNIE, COME OVER HERE, I WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS TOO.
MY FRIEND, LARRY POTTER
HAS JUST BEEN FIRED
BY THIS MAN.
BUT I SUGGEST TO ALL OF YOU
THAT, PERHAPS HE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE?
WHO AMONG US HASN'T BEEN GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE
JUST ONCE IN THERE MISERABLE LIVES?
[crowd agreeing]
WELL, I KNOW SOMEONE WHO WAS GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE,
AN OVERWORKED PRESIDENT OF A MAJOR ACCOUNTING FIRM,
WHO HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH JIM BEAM ONE NIGHT,
AND DECIDED TO TAKE A JOYRIDE THROUGH J.C. PENNEY'S ON MISTER ED.
IT TOOK SEVERAL MONTHS,
BUT EVENTUALLY, WE ALL STOPPED SNICKERING BEHIND HIS BACK.
AND SO IF WE CAN FORGIVE THE LOVABLE TOWN LUSH,
CAN'T WE FORGIVE ONE OF HIS UNDERLINGS?
WHO, AFTER ALL, WAS MERELY TRYING TO RELIEVE
SOME OF THE INCREDIBLE PRESSURE IN HIS LIFE,
SO THAT TOMORROW, HE COULD DO HIS JOB THAT MUCH BETTER?
[crowd applauding]
POTTER!
IF YOU EVER PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS AGAIN,
YOU'LL BE OUT LIKE YESTERDAY'S GARBAGE.
[crowd laughing]
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
WELL, LARRY, ALL IN ALL KIND OF
A FUN DAY, HUH?
OH, BOYS.
OH, NO.
SHE'S REALLY MAD I CAN TELL. I'M DEAD.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. DON'T WORRY, LARRY.
I KNOW JUST HOW TO SWEET-TALK SHARON. YOU LEAVE THIS TO ME.
SHARON, HI. HOW ARE YA?
HEY, LISTEN, UM, JUST A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
MAYBE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE IN THE MORNING,
YOU SHOULD TRY DABBIN' ON A LITTLE MAKE-UP. MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP.
CHRIS. YEAH.
DO YOU REALIZE I'M IN POSITION
TO THRUST MY KNEE UPWARD WITH GREAT PASSION AND VELOCITY?
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, SHARON.
YOU'RE COMING ON TO ME WITH YOUR HUSBAND STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE?
COME ALONG HOME, NOW, LAWRENCE.
WE HAVE A BUSY EVENING AHEAD OF US.
YES, DEAR.
IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME IN A COUPLE DAYS,
CALL ROBERT STACK OVER AT UNSOLVED MYSTERIES.
YEAH, SURE.
[mimicking whip cracking]
HEY, GREAT, THERE'S STILL NO LINE FOR THIS THING.
OK, ONE MORE TIME, CHIEF. THROUGH THE LOOP.
LET'S GO. LET HER RIP.
[whooping]
OH, HI, MA. HI, DAD.
SO, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
I GUESS IT WAS OK.
I WAS HANGIN' UPSIDE-DOWN ON A ROLLERCOASTER FOR ABOUT 8 HOURS.
CLAP OFF THE LIGHTS BEFORE YOU GO TO BED. WILL YOU, SON?
GLADYS, I WAS READING AN INTERESTING ARTICLE ON CHROMOSOME DAMAGE.
(Chris) THAT IS SO COOL!